Adulting is tiring.
The duties and responsibilities of day-to-day functioning can put blinders on us that we never consented to.
At the end of the day, our head hits the pillow and we’ve forgotten to let our person(s) know how important they are. If you’re like me, you feel terrible, fade out, get up tomorrow and do it all over again.
Sound familiar?
I don’t like being guilty of this.
As the person who’s usually in charge of things and keeps the machine running, I often forget to let my people know how much they mean to me. I don’t want to do this and I would bet you don’t either.
Most of us WANT to make sure our partner knows we care and love them, but, life’s hustle-bustle can sidetrack our good intentions.
So, how do we correct this?
How do we make sure we’re letting our partner(s) know how important they are to us amidst all this hectic adulting?
Well, I’ve got some simple and EASY things to suggest because they’ve worked for me. Deep in my heart, I hope one, or more, work for you. I’m cheerleading you on this!
Some we’ve heard before. But, the reason for that is because they’re small, tried & true, evergreen gestures that pack a powerful punch.
They work.
Date nigHT
Every magazine, every ‘better intimacy’ advice graphic on socials, our therapists, our BFF’s, ev-ery-one, etc talks about date night.
There’s a reason for that.
Date night is a simple and easy way to say:
- you’re important to me
- our relationship deserves tending and nurturing
- I enjoy your company
- tuning-out and focusing on each other has value to me
- you deserve my full attention and I desire yours
Seems easy and logical, right?
Yet, we often forget what a powerful impact a regularly scheduled date night can have.
I did.
And, I had to be reminded.
So, I’m reminding YOU! Right now. Right in this moment.
Let me ask you this:
What’s more powerful than letting our partner know you value them SO much, you’ve carved out special time to be present with THEM, and ONLY them?
A regularly scheduled date night is one of the most effective ways to express so very much to your partner without saying a word.
asking what thier intimacy needs are
What you need, and what turns YOU on is not necessarily what your partner needs.
Sometimes, we forget that.
Of course we all have shared pleasures with our partners that compliment our individual wants, needs and desires. But, our shared pleasures often fluctuate and get influenced as our individual interests grow.
That’s why it’s important to ask our partners what is turning them on CURRENTLY.
By asking you partner what’s got them hot right now, the conversation opens for you both to share what’s stirrin’ and how you can provide that for one another.
Knowing what to do to turn on and fulfill your partner is a superpower.
It creates deep(er) intimacy and connection.
LOVE NOTE OR THOUGHTFUL TEXT
Thoughtfulness often tends to fall to the wayside simply because we are over-burdened with the responsibilities of adulting.
It’s not that we’re not thoughtful, it’s just hard to pause and consider a thoughtful gesture when our brain is doing this:
“Ugh, I’m late! I need gas! Did I pay the electric bill? My boss is a jerkoff. Is it my turn to pick up the kids! Shit!…the dog needs food!” and so on and so on.
Most of us understand THAT type of noise in our head. Right?
This is the exact reason a small thoughtful gesture like a little love note or thoughtful text is SO powerful.
The recipient knows you paused among all the madness of adulting to let them know you were thinking about THEM. KaPow!
Thoughtfulness is sexy.
run an errand when it’s not your turn
Every dynamic or relationship has errands.
Whether you cohabitate, only spend weekends together, meet up frequently for play parties, etc, there are shared errands.
If you see your partner juggling too much, use that opportunity to pick up the slack for them. Don’t ask, just do.
ANTICIPATING. NEEDS. IS. SEXY. AF.
OUT OF THE NORM ACTIVITIES
Do activities together that you don’t normally do!
This specific advice, we don’t hear so often.
I didn’t.
But WOW, what an amazing impact it had for me and my partner!
Unfortunately, if we’re not careful, things can get stale in a relationship. By sharing out-of-the-norm activities together new energy gets injected into ourselves, our partner, and the relationship as a whole.
Challenging ourselves in ways that aren’t in our normal wheelhouse, WITH our partner, creates powerful bonding.
Alternate who chooses the out-of-the-norm activity, then, choose one together. Repeat.
Alternating allows you learn TONS about your partner and you get to see them experiencing something THEY enjoy. I mean, what’s more wonderful than witnessing your partner engaged, stimulated, challenged, happy and fulfilled?
When it’s time for the shared-interest activity, commit to picking something that’s a smidge outside BOTH your comfort zones. Wait til you see what happens when you’re both on the other side of THAT. Fire!
PARTNER LISTENING CHECK-IN’S
Sort of like date night, but for just for listening.
Scheduling listening-time is a powerful tool for creating better intimacy.
Here’s what that structured, active-listening date looks like:
Be sure to find a quiet, relaxing place you both enjoy.
One person (the sharer) has the floor.
The other person (the listener) focuses on purposeful, active listening.
When the sharer feels that they’ve been thoroughly heard, then open dialog occurs.
The listener should begin with what they *think* the sharer was saying and expressing. This gives the sharer an opportunity to: (1)verify they’ve effectively expressed their thoughts (2)feel they’ve been heard (3)correct and/or clarify for the listener, if necessary.
The conversation should continue until both parties are satisfied with the communication they’ve shared.
This particular activity gets easier with repetition. It gets easier to express ourselves when we see our partner receptive and engaged in active listening. And, it gets easier to actively listen with practice.
This. Is. Powerful.
LAUGH TOGETHER
Certain things universally bond humans together. Laughter is one of them.
Laughter releases endorphins, oxytocin and dopamine. Kinksters know the intimacy power of these. Separately, each of them hold ‘feel good’ impact in the brain. Laughter releases ALL of them together which creates a powerful experience within ourselves and the person laughing WITH us.
Who doesn’t want to escape into good feels and laughter with their partner(s)?
Laugh together, love together. It’s magical.
Please let me know YOUR small and easy tools for creating better connections with your partner(s). I’d love to know what’s worked in different dynamics and how you implemented it.
Be sure to connect with me on Twitter, IG, Fetlife & FaceBook
Warm Regards, Kye
Kinkology 