*In as much as I’m grateful to you for checking out my blog post, I never, ever want to cause anyone to be blindsided by something that will trigger distress. So please accept my trigger warning.
In my many decades in the kink scene and working as an advocate for intimate partner violence victims I’ve seen every form of narcissist. From covertly mild to violently abusive I’ve seen them all. Where you find the vulnerable, you find predators. And, narcissists are indeed predators.
This Letter From a Narcissist is a culmination of all of them. It’s something I sat down and wrote simply because I needed to get out of my body after seeing my dear friend broken from yet another narcissist. She’d gotten better at spotting them, but this one was incredibly cunning, manipulative and had developed highly covert skills.
In the end, the core pattern was the same.
I have to warn you. Before we start, you should run.
Don’t think about it. Don’t look back. Just run. Forget you ever met me.
I will break your heart. I will stomp all over it. I will obliterate you
And I’ll feel zero remorse.
It’ll go a little like this:
First, I’ll fall hard and fast for you. You will be my life’s breath. You’ll feel loved like nothing you’ve ever experienced. I will love you to the point of exhaustion. You’ll think all your dreams are coming true. I’ll make you love me. I’ll make your family love me. Your friends will love me. I’ll charm EVERYONE that’s important to you.
Then, I’ll give you hope. Hope for a perfect future. Hope for everything you’ve ever wished for. I’ll be the answer to all your dreams. I’ll paint milestones of beauty like a wedding, kids, life partnership, buying a house, and every meaningful event you desire. I will speak of a deeper connection, fulfillment, and all the lovely things you can imagine.
I will find out EXACTLY what your hopes & dreams are. Then, I’ll project them back to you that I’M the hearts & roses path to them. The ONLY path to them. And, you will see it. You will feel it. You will breath it. I’m THAT convincing.
Then, I’ll get bored.
YOU will bore me.
Suddenly and without warning I will get so very bored. You’ll begin to disgust me and you’ll pick up on this change. It will confuse you. You’ll feel pain. But, I don’t care. You bore me to my core. I’ll lose interest in everything about you. Your touch. Your words. Your life. I’ll pull away without explanation. Then, I wont think of you at all.
You’ll work so very hard to remind me of the good old days. Of our special love. But, it’ll be too late. I’ve already moved on. You don’t know it, but you DO NOT exist for me anymore. And, I don’t care that you don’t realize this.
You. Do. Not. Exist.
You’ll defend me to your family and friends. I’ll act like I’ve never met them.
You. Will. Exhaust. Yourself.
If you’re lucky, I won’t be the obsessive, stalker, violent abuser type. But you won’t know that until you’re in SO deep that life feels like a boot on your throat.
I will not stop until you HATE ME more than you ever loved me.
Listen to me, RUN.
But, you wont. You think you can fix me.